Dear friends,
I'm writing to share with you one of my greatest experiences as a parent.
A few months ago, I asked my daughter Zoey to go through toys, books and clothes and cull unwanted items. I was crushed when I saw she had discarded "Martin's Big Words," a picture book I'd bought at the King Museum in Atlanta about seven years ago. My book– one of many I'd hope she'd someday cherish as a keepsake.
I told her it was special; we couldn't give away. (To compromise, we created a "Mom's shelf” for my so-called children's books.) Imagine my elation tonight when Zoey explained that she and her fellow kindergarteners had begun learning about Martin Luther King, Jr.!
Remembering my attempts to talk her into keeping "Martin's Big Words" for herself, she asked many questions. She then told me to write down certain things and asked if she could take "Martin's Big Words" to share at school. Because she had so many questions, we talked about Dr. King for more than 30 minutes.
Of course, Zoey couldn't comprehend why anyone would want to kill Dr. King. "He was such a good man!" she insisted. I reminded her of some of our past discussions: People don't need a reason to hate someone. Sometimes people hate for really silly reasons, believing them good. Many haters don’t know they hate --- or why. Others do know and try to fix it, only to realize they failed to understand how hard it can be to stop.
In particular, Zoey has a strong interest in who killed Dr. King. I told her a bit about James Earl Ray but quickly pointed out that hatred or who killed Dr. King shouldn’t be something on which to dwell. Instead, we should focus on being the kind of people Dr. King knew we could be, zeroing in on our ability to love.
The love is what matters. Dr. King made us examine why we so fear loving and being loved. I think love removes our control. If we give love, we can’t control how others respond. If we accept love, we wonder about the terms.
Zoey wanted to know why someone would want Dr. King “to be quiet, because he was right— he was telling the truth.” That made her angry.
I explained that when people are scared, they try to make other people do what they want. That never works. You can’t love or respect someone if you’re trying to control them, can you?
In many ways, the American civil rights movement has been a significant success. However, we must continue to learn and speak the names of its martyrs. We commemorate a diminutive pastor from Atlanta who died because he laid bare the Gospel and our failure to heed it. In doing so, we honor thousands who never achieved our standard of “fame.”
Neither they nor Dr. King threatened national security, but they did threaten the status quo. We dishonor their sacrifices if we fail to continue Dr. King’s ministry, and we dishonor our children if we don’t pass on lessons learned from our troubled past.
I told Zoey that Dr. King is currently the only American with a national holiday dedicated to his memory. I think that's OK, because he symbolizes the idea that treating each other the right way is not something we tick off a list before moving to the next task.
Pushing my luck, I asked Zoey if I could read for her two quotes from postcards I’d tucked inside “Martin’s Big Words”:
"Let no man pull you so low that you hate him. Always avoid violence. If you sow the seeds of violence in your struggle, unborn generations will reap the whirlwind of social disintegration.”
And one of my favorites:
"Most people are thermometers that record or register the temperature of majority opinion, not thermostats that transform and regulate the temperature of society."
I want my daughter to be a thermostat. She asked what I meant when I told her that. I said it means to do what she believes is right, especially if it's not what everyone else is doing.
When Zoey nodded eagerly at my offer to read the Dr. King’s “I Have a Dream” speech, I was nearly overcome. I would have played a YouTube recording, but I believe it's important for parents to read aloud for their children from the great works of the American canon. Hearing your parents and other elders give voice to the words that form the foundation for our democracy helps kids understand that we believe we can and will fulfill these visions for our nation.
I'm writing to encourage that you commemorate the idea of freedom, the back-breaking struggle that breeds progress and the hope found in courage by seizing any opportunity you can to talk to a child about Dr. King during the next few days. Maybe you'll even be as lucky as I was and have a squirming 5-year-old listen as you read "I Have a Dream."
If you do seek a recording of Dr. King delivering the "I Have a Dream" speech, please follow along with a printed copy (I'm sure you can get it on Google). I have asked students to do this for many years. They come away saying they thought they knew the speech, but reading as they listen is an introduction to its full meaning.
Karris Golden
Jan. 13, 2010